I started dancing when I was 9 years old. I saw my sister’s dance team and I wanted to be as beautiful and graceful.
I danced and everyone told me I wasn’t good enough. Even at 9 years old, there was the spirit to thrive and overcome. The next year for dance auditions, I took my place as 1 of 3 captains out of the 40 girls that auditioned.
I’m very loud and expressive but there’s still a part of me where words or expressions cannot express my thoughts and only movement could free me to do that.
When I danced, I felt beautiful, fully me. I loved the glitz, glamour and the spotlight.
Dancing became my idol and everything I did, it was for that. I danced to feel whole. I danced to escape. I danced to hide who I really was. If I could have all eyes on me and captivate an audience, they would only be able to see the projected image. They would be entertained but I never let anyone really know how in pain or how much I was hurting.
Dance was my life. I had tons of friends but no one knew me. I was bulimic and my relationship with my parents was basically non-existent.
When I was 15, dance rejected me and hurt me. I fractured my knee after trying to do a jump split on newly waxed wooden floor with new shoes. I didn’t jump high enough and my knee broke the fall. I was supposed to be out for 6 months. I was out for 3 weeks. Doctors said if I didn’t stop dancing, I would have arthritis by the time I was 21. I kept dancing and surely enough I got arthritis in my knee around the age of 23.
I learned to live with bad knees. My knees could forecast the weather. My knees prevented me from doing many things because I knew that it would just end up hurting too much. They would randomly pop when I walked or they went out and made me fall down. a lot. I was 20 going on 80.
I’ve been a Christian my whole life but I am became a believer and in a real relationship with Jesus about 6 years ago.
Jesus tore down the idol of dance and became King. Ultimately, I learned to find beauty, grace, strength and everything dance taught me.. in Him.
I hurt my other knee while I was on The World Race. I was running and all of a sudden it just gave out. It too swelled up like a baseball and it was a humbling time where I learned to ask for help. I believe in miracles. I’ve seen them. God has used me to release them but I never thought I would be a testimony of one. People have prayed for my knees and there would be temporary relief but the pain would always come back with a vengeance.
2 months ago, my church New Philadelphia sent some mighty warriors on missions around the world. They came back full of even more strength, even more fire, faith and hope. As I prayed for them- I knew that what they received on the field was for me too. It was up to me to claim their testimonies over myself and for my life.
One Sunday, Pastor Anna led by the Holy Spirit wanted to release healing in the house. There have been other times when healing was released but something felt different this time and my heart could sense it was happening. Pastor Anna called on those who just came back from missions to hear from the Lord in one word what healing He wanted to release. I said, “Lord I’ll believe it’s for me if you say it. I heard the Lord say, “I’m coming for you.” One by one they all prophesied what was going to be healed. Sarah was the last and said, “knee pain.” I immediately started crying and felt the Spirit fall upon me. Pastor Brock, Kim, and Alanna prayed for me and I immediately felt fire. Then in the middle of the prayer, Pastor Brock said, ” I feel as though we should be laying our hands directly on your knees.” They put their hands on my knees and I felt and heard tiny pops in my knees and what sounded like bones grinding together. I began weeping knowing that God was instantly healing my knees. Jesus gave me new knees even when I myself was willing to settle for my bad knees. He wouldn’t let me settle. He always raises us up to greater levels.
I was able to fully put my weight on my right knee without any pain and I could stretch it up higher than I was able to without any pain. During service, I was even able to cross my knees underneath for a while without feeling any pain.
The next day I worked out and realized I stopped to rest in a kneeling position- which I haven’t been able to do in about 5 years!
This year I turn 30 (with mixed emotions in about 2 weeks). I don’t think it’s a coincidence that something I had given up on, God restored. I was fully content with janky, arthritic knees but that’s the type of God we can call Father… that he always remembers things that we have forgotten or hidden. Miracles are alive and present just as much as they were in Jesus’ day.
Dance was my everything but Jesus has become my everything. Dance could never heal the hurts the way my God does. His timing is perfect in everything.
My prayer for you as you read this is that you would be filled with the hope of Christ. I pray that you would have a fresh revelation of who He is and what He is doing in your life. I pray that you would rest in His goodness knowing that if the “even if’s” don’t happen you can confidently rest in His perfect love. I pray boldness over you and that you would claim greater miracles in your life. You are beautiful testimony of miracles that have yet to happen.
You are a beautiful testimony.